bout de papier, Vol. 9, No. 1 (1992) — Winter 1992 // Hiver 1992, p. 48
“When will you be returning from lunch, Ludwig?” Lydia asked sharply as Liebnitz headed out the door.
“As they say in the music world, Bach by three, Offenbach sooner,” he replied.
“The pun is the lowest form of humour,” she sniffed.
“Only to people too slow to think them up, surely,” he countered.
“Don’t call me Shirley,” she said. “And who says I can’t think them up? I’ve been waiting for this. It’s time you got hit with one of your own puzzles!” With that she handed him a sheaf of paper. He paled, then he read the papers more closely and started to chuckle. Lydia’s puzzle was as follows.
Here are the definitions for 41 words or short phrases, each involving a pun (or in two cases a double pun) on the name of a well-known place or famous person. The definitions are by alphabetical order of the resulting words or phrases; the numbers at the end reflect their length in letters.
(a) Clever early Communist 11. (b) Polders drink 11. (c) Signs of scorching on a Swiss socialist 9. (d) Sad Caernarvon cetaceans 9. (e) Desiderata for musical purchases 11. (f) Pervasive smell on the German-Polish border 12. (g) Murmansk soda 8. (h) John Denver in the Dodecanese 13. (i) Tedious Danish physicist 12. (j) Havana math function 8. (k) Where you wouldn’t want to meet Clay 7. (l) Why Ireland is so cool 16. (m) Pallid Italian novelist 8. (n) Roomy African car 13. (o) Revered Dutch portraitist 12.
(p) Tough Calvinist school 8. (q) Sequel to “Oh Calcutta” 10. (r) Sri Lanka sweets 11. (s) Where the Chancellor keeps his fuel 10. (t) Word from the crowsnest off Haiphong 6. (u) Tiredness in Tibet 9. (v) French textile magnate from Dogpatch 10. (w) An “eye to” ones own interest in Bar Harbor 11. (x) Byelorussian Christmas pastries 9. (y) Teasing an Arctic aviator 11. (z) Jewish greeting in Trier 10. (aa) Norwegian romantic comedy “about nothing” 8. (bb) English philosopher’s rowing fixture 8. (cc) Chinese voyeur 9. (dd) Lebanese racing need 10. (ee) Famished on the Danube 17. (ff) Korean chitt’lins 9. (gg) Diminutive Canadian literary theorist 9. (hh) Duke Ellington romantic find on a Philippine island 18. (ii) job title for Santa’s helper 16. (jj) Sweet French swearing in Bolivia 9. (kk) Food containers on the Riviera 9. (ll) Priam’s lapdog 10. (mm) Caroline Islands where Japan halted 8. (nn) Terrible fight with the Indian PM 9. (oo) Medical readings on US novelist 10. The results can be placed into the skeleton in only one way. Note that each answer is fitted in as if it were a single long word without spaces, with the exception of one of the longer answers, where the two words involved are entered separately, but so that they cross one another in the skeleton. To help in deciphering the clues, here are the answers in anagram form — not, of course, in the same order as the definitions. The number of words in each anagram is not necessarily related to the number of words in its original word or phrase. Ignore any punctuation between the semicolons.
NODAHL; RAKILAD; TUT’S PORK; KEOCORAL; ROCABOUT; KHONDRAX; OMACHUND; ACKALOCO; TINOFACE; LUBE CURSE; SWELL BEAU; PINK SEMIS; LEO DOOFUS; ROONY HULA; NEX BRAMER; CENTANNIS; OK PIGMENT; FLY’S REALM; USA HALTED; OPTEROLODY; LEN BRAILLE, TRIAD RELAY; LOVE’S MOTEL; CHALKE ROLL; DIVING LASS; DO HEEL HILL; BORK McDINGY; CANE MACHINE; DEKKAN SISSY; LUCE NEGATES; PINO SCHLITZ; ERAZED PUPIL; GINGER IN COLD; HOG RANCH RIBS; LASHDALE HOWL; RUFUS ROAN DODO; THUNDERY COORS, TURBO-C SUADE SNAIL; IDIOTIC NEON REIGN; UHV NURSERY ANALOGY; TIDY LIES CHASTE POET.
“I see,” said Liebnitz. “For my PUNishment, I am forced to decipher these devious clues. For example, a definition like ’Irritating Magyar Lohan’ would come out BUDDHA-pest, right? Well, that shouldn’t be too tough.”
He had to sweat, but eventually he succeeded. When he brought the results back to Lydia, however, she simply smiled sweetly and said: “Very good, Ludwig. But can you work out the final anagram from the letters indicated by the dots on the skeleton? They provide four words making up the names of two men — and show that where conquerors achieve, philosophers fail.”
After hours more work, Ludwig had to admit himself stumped. Can you first duplicate his feat by naming the 41 answers that go into the puzzle, and then go on to solve Lydia’s last enigma?
The first correct entry drawn from the entries for Who Shot Lorenzo Tonti?? and Lydia’s Revenge will appear in the Spring issue of bout de papier. Enter today!
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 9, No. 1 (1992) — Winter 1992 // Hiver 1992, p. 48. Read the rest of this issue →
