bout de papier, Vol. 3, No. 3 (1985) — Fall 1985 // Automne 1985, pp. 34–35
Although it is a strict Muslim country in most external respects, Kuwait is about to join the ranks of the world’s major wine producers. The casual visitor to Kuwait, noting the conservative Muslim ambience, the absence of vineyards (as well as other forms of greenery) would have little hint that the level of wine production on any given day would be sufficient to fill Lake Erie.
The truth is however, that Kuwait’s wine, like its better known resource, oil, is not there on the surface. Like Kuwait’s oil industry, Kuwait’s wine is dependent on expatriate labor except that in this case the labor is provided by the diplomatic corps.
How is it possible? I hear readers objecting. Surely the Vienna Convention and its various protocols prevent host countries from forcing diplomats into other forms of employment. We have been reminded many times by the host government that while the Vienna Convention and its various protocols may work very well in Austria, this is Kuwait – like it or lump it.
It all began in 1983 when Kuwait, like other oil producing nations, noted the continuing decline in the world price for crude. Kuwait decided to diversify but lacking resources other than petroleum nobody could suggest any options. That is, nobody except for a Kuwaiti official whose anonymity has been maintained to this day. Displaying a flash of inspiration nothing short of genius, he suggested that Kuwait go into wine production with a view to capturing a major share of the world export market.
At first his suggestion was met with howls of disbelief. Impossible, he was told, a Muslim country produce wine? Besides, the climate was totally unsuitable; wine-growing is labor intensive and we don’t need more expatriates. Brushing these quibbles aside, he explained that Kuwait wouldn’t actually be producing wine in the manner of France, Italy and other wine producers. It would instead be converting the vast lakes of imported grape juice into wine. The labor would be provided by Kuwait’s diplomatic corps who would produce the wine in their own homes thereby getting around the various legal obstacles. “But the diplomts can import liquor, the last thing they’ll want to do is produce wine just so we can set up an industry.” “In that case”, our official replied, “we simply ban the importation of liquor. “ “But what if they still don’t produce any wine out of sheer spite?” said his still skeptical colleagues. With a knowing wink he said, “they’ll produce, Iknow diplomats.”
After that, as they say, the rest is history. Citing the fact that some diplomats were known to be flogging their duty-free to the general public, Kuwait’s National Assembly voted to ban the importation of liquor by diplomats. The bill was sent to the Emir for his assent which was granted and the bill was signed into law.
No longer did diplomats have to spend all their time attending elegant cocktail parties to meet the same people day in and day out, and complain about how Kuwait was boring with nothing to do. Suddenly, their lives in Kuwait had achieved a meaning and a purpose.
Other expatriates sniggered at the thought of the striped-pants set filling the d.t. wards at Kuwait’s hospitals but they were soon to be disappointed Kuwait’s diplomatic corps didn’t stay at home bemoaning their sad lot. Instead, they trooped to well-appointed co-operative stores to gather up the requisites of wine-making.
The effect of the liquor import ban on the morale of the diplomatic community was electrifying. Gone were the days when diplomats were a privileged elite gloating over their stocks of French wines, Australian beers and Scotch single malts while disdainfully turning up their collective noses at the home-made plonk of less fortunate expats. Suddenly, diplomats were taking an interest in meeting people outside the glittering Embassy set. Other expats were buttonholed on the streets by First Secretaries, Counsellors and even Ambassadors seeking recipes and hints on wine-making.
Not only were diplomats talking about wine and beer with greater enthusiasm, they were actually spending their time constructively at last. Nobody could say that the days just seemed to drag by. Each day brought new joys as wine, cider and beer entered a new stage in the fermentation process.
I suppose you could say it is a closeness to nature most of us have never experienced. All very reminiscent of the Middle Ages or maybe of Chicago in the 1920s.
Be that as it may, now that the diplomatic community is productively engaged in home brewing, it is a question of when the Kuwait government will approach us directly concerning production quotas, quality control, marketing arrangements, etc. It is widely believed that the Kuwait Ministry of Foreign Affairs is hesitating because the Vienna Convention and the various protocols offer no guidance on such matters. I have no doubt that Kuwait will not allow the ambiguities of this hoary old document to stand in its way for long.
Incidentally, anyone daring to presume that being denied liquor import privileges and thereby being required to labor long hours over vats of frothing grape juice in any way warrants an increase in hardship levels should and will be taken to task forthwith. Dwelling on the absence of liquor or other import privileges is akin to committing the sin against the Holy Ghost or requesting kiddie-porn video-cassettes vis the diplomatic bag. Indeed, according to the Blake Scale Methodology (developed by Cromwell’s General at Sea, Robert Blake, during the course of his operation on the Barbary Coast in the 1650s) this factor rates hardly at all. On the other hand if we were to be assigned an unrealistic production quota or unattainable quality control standards by the MFA, our hardship level might conceivably be affected.
Following is a recipe for red wine for those considering a posting to Kuwait or even to Ottawa where wine is available but expensive.
Ch Koweit Cuvée d’Ambassade (Rouge)
Ingredients:
24 litres red grape juice
1-1/2 kilos sugar dissolved in
3 litres of water
2 kilos of red grapes
I tsp yeast
Pour the ingredients into clean plastic container, such as a garbage pail. Stir once or twice a day for 13 days then strain off the grapes and let sit for 48 hours. Strain until clear and bottle. The wine is now ready for drinking but for a grande cru, you may want to wait another week or so before servingA
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 3, No. 3 (1985) — Fall 1985 // Automne 1985, pp. 34–35. Read the rest of this issue →
