bout de papier, Vol. 29, No. 3 (2016), pp. 43–44
The late John Starnes was a great supporter of bout de papier and a frequent contributor. He also generously shared insights and documents accumulated in a lifetime of public service at home and abroad. Mr. Starnes also had a keen eye for the oddities and absurdities that could torment members of the foreign service and their spouses. At one point, when he and his wife Helen were sifting through the contents of their apartment, they came across a wonderfully anachronistic artifact, which he promptly passed on to me, as it was, he said with a mischievous smile and a sly wink, “of historical interest.” As he observed, the document from which extracts are reproduced below had “about it a whiff of ‘Upstairs/Downstairs’.” In spite of this tone, it did offer some helpful advice. His favourite (which is included below) was the guide to seating arrangements should one have the fortune (or misfortune, as the case might be) to ride in the head of mission’ car. Mr. Starnes even supplied an answer to the unasked but obvious further question, “What happened if there was a fifth person? The trunk I imagine.”
As Mr. Starnes suggested, this well-intentioned manual, “which had the imprimatur of the wives of the most senior officials in the department at the time,” certainly illustrates vividly the cultural and social shift from the time of its writing (about 1950) to later years, not least of which was the assumption that spouses would be wives. In fact, female members of the foreign service were still required to resign immediately upon committing the disloyal act of marriage, a regulation that guaranteed that all spouses were women. As part of its continuing efforts to curb false nostalgia for a “golden age of Canadian diplomacy,” bout de papier offers this primer on appropriate conduct for the edification of its readers.
This manual has been prepared by the External Affairs Wives Association to meet the widespread demand on the part of its members. It has been made possible through the co-operation of many wives from the most senior to the most junior, and wives who have had experience at posts in all areas of the world. Of necessity, it has been written in general terms, with no reference to specific posts, and it is understood that the manual will be read in conjunction with individual post reports.
While some phases of general etiquette have been touched on, a recognized book of etiquette such as those listed in the attached bibliography [including Listowel, Manual of Modern Manners; Emily Post, Etiquette; and, the Vogue Book of Etiquette] would be very useful.
No attempt has been made to lay down hard and fast rules, but rather to provide general guidance on a variety of topics in a brief but convenient form. The application of common sense and courtesy in most situations described in this manual is a sound basis The wife of an officer of the Department of External Affairs has a unique opportunity to help her husband in his chosen career. One of the main assets of the wife of a diplomat is to be as friendly and unaffected in her contacts abroad as she would be at home. Although her life may not be an easy one, it can be both interesting and rewarding.
* KK KK
Entertaining Entertaining when abroad is essentially business. It is well to have this clearly in mind from the outset, and thus avoid the disappointment and disillusionment which may follow the discovery that popular notions of the gay social whirl of diplomatic life are far wide of the mark. It is part of your job to entertain and you will be entertained as part of someone else’s job. Of course, you will be doing your job best if your entertaining is made as enjoyable as possible for your guests. You will be more at ease and natural if you make it a habit to plan in detail and make your preparations well in advance.
Great care should be taken to establish and maintain good personal relationships with all Canadians at a post. In most posts the number of Canadians is not large. If there is bad feeling for personal or business reasons between even two members of that community it can affect the morale of the whole group and in an amazingly short time become the talk of others outside the Canadian circle, thus lowering the prestige of the mission.
Miscellaneous
Seating in Cars In many of our smaller missions you may find that from time to time you ride in your head of missions car with him. The senior ranking person sits on the right hand seat, the next in rank on the left side. A third person in the middle and the fourth person on a small seat if there is one behind the driver or beside him if there is not.
Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 29, No. 3 (2016), pp. 43–44. Read the rest of this issue →
