bout de papier, Vol. 17, No. 4 (2000-2001) — Winter 2000/2001 // Hiver 2000/2001, p. 8
What, I hear you asking, is the UCS?
It is a classification standard, a standard to simplify and modernize the 30 year old current classification system with its over 72 occupational groups and over 100 sub groups.
How Can I Help?
I’ve got a little list
If UCS demands some day that DFAIT cut its staff,
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list
of those who scarcely pull their weight, Department’s own riffraff,
who never would be missed, they never would be missed.
There’s the personnel providers who hold court in Tower B,
who change our staff without our leave, with existential glee,
Divisions who with issues deal 1, like drunk sommelier,
and then consult late Friday, with a deadline – end of day.
And those who fuss about the style, and on their own insist.
They’d none of them be missed, they’d none of them be missed.
There’s the Information Management and Technical sort
that control our cyberspace, I’ve got them on the list.
For cyberspace’s a funny place designed to thwart, abort;
they never would be missed, they never would be missed.
And the colleagues who begin the week requiring Qs and A
for questions that are never asked in Parliament anyway,
And Managers who change a text because “it’s not quite right”
but in fact who change the bloody text because they’re not too bright,
and the colleague who goes out at lunch and comes back really pissed,
I don’t think they’d be missed, I’m sure they’d not be missed.
There’s DFAIT’s Senior Mandarins, the boffins on floor eight
and all their motley crew. I’ve got them on my list.
And the people who defer to them and never remonstrate,
they never would be missed, they never would be missed.
Then the Ministers, not one but five, who really are quite “hip”
All five are quite bilingual and show such leadership;
for when a team is chosen by our venerable PM,
his candidates are chosen with a careful stratagem.
Then there’s Himself, the PM, whose inclined to reminisce,
I’ve got him on the list, do you think that he’d be missed?
Terry Jones
With thanks to W. S. Gilbert
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 17, No. 4 (2000-2001) — Winter 2000/2001 // Hiver 2000/2001, p. 8. Read the rest of this issue →
