bout de papier, Vol. 15, No. 2 (1998) — Summer 1998 // Été 1998, p. 29
I have been in the Foreign Service for 15 years and will be going on my fifth posting this summer. I have been in a relationship for 20 years and my spouse has never been on posting with me because of the lack of inclusive regulations which would permit this. Like most couples we have our home in Ottawa and two dogs. We have maintained our relationship by visiting each other every six months and spending all holidays, birthdays and vacations together. No small expense given the costs of travel.
I, like others, have not had a very positive experience at the hands of those who administer benefits or of the management which implements regulations. In the fall of 1995 when benefits were extended to gays and lesbians, I registered as required, though this practice seemed to me at the time as one of census and control and not for the actual benefit of the employee. I was then on posting and what should have been a personal matter was discussed around the Embassy as if I was some kind of circus freak. Later I applied for the rent waiver under the FSDs because I also had a mortgage in Ottawa. DFAIT asked for several documents to show proof of our relationship and who owned the house, who paid the mortgage and taxes, etc… I went along with this procedure thinking it was normal and required. Then DFAIT asked the Admin officer at my post about my character, to see if what I had declared was true, though they already had in hand copies of city and bank documents, tax receipts etc… The Admin officer made it clear that this was a favour done for me. My request could have been denied. I do not believe that other straight colleagues would have been treated this way.
Thave been patronised by colleagues at various posts. Some have played on the fact that I am gay, there has been a lack of respect and some hypocrisy. But with time you learn to respond by pointing out what they have just said and refusing to accept such attitudes. What is difficult at posts is often the attitude of other Canadian colleagues. Contrary to popular belief, often the population of the host country is far more accepting.
With Personnel I have also met with resistance, under the guise of trying to be helpful. It is very difficult to get information on visas for a spouse or official recognition. It is often far more simple to ask the host government through contacts. In the past I have had to do all the work myself, and often it can take weeks to find out. In this respect some Admin officers at posts abroad will simply refuse to help. If you have a list of countries you would like to apply for, this can be a roadblock which can deter you from applying for a position. In this respect SERV and Protocol at DFAIT can be helpful and provide clear information. But in my mind this should be a responsibility of Personnel and the employee should not be left wondering.
I have met with a wall of resistance with respect to inquiries about our rights under the law and the FSDs. I was told by an officer working in the S branch at DFAIT that there is still a mentality and attitudes which are clearly homophobic at DFAIT. I believe that is also true at CIC where our colleagues face similar attitudes. HOMs have in the past made comments to me which were out of place but considered acceptable, because it came from an Ambassador. One such HOM upon learning that my spouse was coming to visit told me that he hoped we would not create a scandal and would behave ourselves. Given that both of us are middle-aged, I thought the comment inappropriate and silly and I pointed that out to him. Another Ambassador said to me one day, that giving rights to people had to be a slow process because the majority had to accept the concept of extending rights to other people and one has to be patient. A rather facile comment coming from a Head of Mission who advocated human rights causes.
There is clearly a double standard at work and I am sure that others have faced similar painful situations. I do not believe that attitudes will change rapidly as long as management does not commit itself to lead by example. We should also not leave everything to the courts to decide. Others such as women, native people, visible minorities have all suffered similar treatment. One can only hope that DFAIT will eventually learn to treat its employees in a spirit of inclusiveness. One just has to look at the way DFAIT has treated women in general and wives historically to see that we have a long way to go.
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 15, No. 2 (1998) — Summer 1998 // Été 1998, p. 29. Read the rest of this issue →
