bout de papier, Vol. 10, No. 4 (1993) — Fall/Winter 1993 // Automne/Hiver 1993, pp. 8–9
by Laurel Pardy
October was Women’s History Month. One of the events arranged by External Affairs and International Trade Canada (EAITC) was a panel discussion entitled “The Evolving Role and Contribution of Women”. The topic begs the question, “Has the role of women in the department evolved?” Evolution implies the arrival of a more advanced state. The role has changed but the evolution, the revolution if you will, has just begun.
Personal experience, especially emotion-charged experience, colours any analysis of that experience. Ripping heart and hearth away from home and plunging into the minefield of a foreign culture is an emotion-charged experience and thus, every assessment of the positive and negative aspects of the changing role of women in the foreign service will bear this personal stamp.
The women of External Affairs and International Trade Canada (EAITC) comprise a diverse group of people, each with their own perspective on their role and status. The only commonalities for the group are rotationality and femaleness. Otherwise they may be employee or dependent, married or single, English or French, Canadian or foreign-born, officer or support staff, with children or without, young or mature, homemaker or career person.
As Canadian women explored the advantages and disadvantages of the Women’s Movement, they brought pressure to bear on the government, their employers and their lovers to respond to their right to equal opportunity, pay and freedom of choice with men. EAITC, as an employer and quasi-paterfamilias, is a cumbersome antiquated bureaucracy, struggling reluctantly to adapt to a changing world. It has, however, accepted its responsibility towards rotational families and carried out this responsibility in light of what it felt was good for them.
On a personal level, the question is, “Where did I start and where am I now in relation to where I expected to be?’ “Have I lost or gained by life in the foreign service?”
Probably the largest subgroup of women affected by employment in the foreign service are those who accompany rotational employees to post as dependent spouses, the ones that used to be referred to as “wives” Twenty-five years ago, the majority of women in the foreign service were there as wives, therefore, any spousal issue was interpreted as a “wives” issue and treated as a tempest in a teapot. That this is no longer true does not mean there are fewer wives. It does mean that the group is more heterogeneous and the issues have changed to reflect that diversity.
Once Upon a Time
The role of these women revolved around homemaking, child rearing, community volunteer work, home hospitality and tending family relations. This role changed very little for most wives when they were posted abroad. It did, and still does, take considerable creativity to solve everyday childcare and home management problems in a foreign culture, but the role does not change.
For women married to officers there was the additional representational role which at the senior levels was quite onerous: social gatherings, good works, expatriate out-reach, TLC for distressed Canadians, Commonwealth associations, diplomatic ladies’ clubs and representational lunches and dinners to give and attend. It was assumed that the wives would accept this representational role; not only accept it, but embrace it, expand it and glory in it, carrying out with style and grace (and for free) a major public relations campaign on behalf of the Canadian government.
Along the way from then to now, this representational role has fallen into disrepute. It used to be that if one did it well, it was recognized by the community, and the respect it gathered was almost enough to make it worth while. It took a lot of respect and silent congratulations to compensate for the inroads it made into one’s privacy, family lite and individual freedom. Gradually, it became obvious that fulfilling one’s representational duties was irrelevant to the department, to the advancement of the employee’s career or to a woman’s status in her group. In keeping with societal changes, departmental wives turned to success in the workforce to gain both self-respect and the respect of other women.
Sorry men, male respect is not enough, women need the respect of other women, too. In Canadian society, that can no longer be earned through vicarious enjoyment of the status of one’s husband. Women want to earn their own right to respect and privilege. However, foreign service wives find that their freedom of choice runs smack up against the confines of a rotational service, just as it always has.
Role of the Foreign Service Wife
So, what is the role of the foreign service wife in 1993?
The Family Caretaker Role continues unabated but departmental support has increased. Twenty-five years ago, there were no pre-posting briefings for wives, no acknowledgement of transition trauma, no education reports, no access to the Employee Assistance Program for tamilles — Just shots, passports and good luck. Wives depended on each other for information, encouragement and understanding. Now there is a full panoply of services and workshops for families leaving and returning to Ottawa. An extension of this is the continuing role of Organizer and Manager of Family Moves, a significant contribution in time and energy. Any single employee will confirm this fact as they struggle to prepare for a posting and still meet the demands of their career.
It is more important now that the wife has a role as a Contributor to the Family Income. Important because of the economic stresses that exist today and important because success is, rightly or wrongly, measured by many people in monetary terms. To have self-respect and the respect of other women, a woman must be successful according to the standards of the society in which she lives. One of the criteria in western society today is to prove that one has the option of being economically independent. It is also more important that women maintain their potential for independent earning because of the inherent danger of being economically dependent one one’s partner. Therefore, more wives are working during home postings and looking for ways to maintain earnings at Canadian levels while abroad
In these roles, it could be argued that wives of the foreign service do not differ significantly from other Canadian wives whose partners are relocated by their employers. Certainly, this is an argument repeated by Treasury Board, journalists and believed by most of the public. On the other hand, the number of moves, the fact that all assignments away from headquarters are r outside of Canada, and the degree of cultural and linguistic difference between Canada and posts increase the stress of many foreign service postings beyond that of most employee relocations in other sectors. These factors significantly affect the way in which a foreign service wife may carry out these roles.
In counterpoint to the privilege of diplomatic life, and the cachet of being attached to a diplomatic mission, is the responsibility of always being viewed as an official representative of one’s country. The government may shrink the official hospitality budget to microscopic amounts but the Representational Role Abroad will continue to exist. For many wives this poses an almost unbearable intrusion into their personal lives as well as limitations on their freedom to make the same individual choices they would make if living in Canada. The department has become ambivalent in its support of official hospitality, and this affects the wives at post who are damned if they do and damned if they don’t – often by the same people. Some wives reject this role. It doesn’t matter. It still exists. Every time she opens her mouth, dings another car in the parking lot or attends a parent-teacher interview, she represents Canada in the eyes of the foreign beholder. The degree to which the wives of diplomats are always representational far outstrips that experienced by other Canadians abroad
Another role exists for the wives at post — that of a Member of the Canadian Mission Community. At most missions this is a small, visible minority community with special licence plates, tax exemption cards, who are privileged and rich, and who speak and dress like foreigners. It is rare that one finds sufficient acceptance in the host community to compensate for family and friends left in Canada. As a result it is important that people at the mission support each other through common activities and the sensitive, and occasionally selfless, handling of relationships. Outside of the office this was traditionally managed by the wives. This role is being neglected as wives join the workforce, reject representational duties and shrug off responsibility for the well-being of the mission community. Community Coordinators have been contracted at many posts to help fill this gap.
In doggedly pursuing the same goals one would have in Canada, many wives are missing some of the exceptional opportunities offered by foreign postings. It has become easier to transport the Canadian lifestyle abroad. The result is a more comfortable but potentially less rewarding state of affairs.
Not surprisingly, the role of the foreign service wife is evolving in response to the changing expectations of the women who comprise the group. The impact of their struggle to pursue their individual goals within the framework of the Canadian foreign service is altering the way the foreign service manages its rotational personnel.
Added Dimensions
Years go there was a paper floating around the department, long lost and source unknown, which concluded that a married man accompanied by his wife and children was happier and more likely to be productive and successful on a posting than any other group of employees at the mission. The credit for this was attributed to the presence of the wife.
That purely supportive role is now viewed as secondary but there were two sides to the coin. Instead of secondary, it was only different and as a result the wife felt herself to be a valued and integral part of diplomatic life abroad. This is not true now. The additional stresses of postings abroad which frustrate women’s efforts to achieve individual recognition and equality are placing severe strain on marriages and, inescapably, on employees in the foreign service.
Nevertheless, wives still do most of the management of goods and children throughout a posting, from assignment to return to Canada. Most of the diplomatic wives still maintain a full schedule of representational activities – still for free.
The presence of wives at a mission brings a semblance of normalcy to a posting. House management, home decoration, meals, family events and celebrations are carried out as they would be at home. The necessity of learning about the local culture in order to shop, educate children, make friends, visit the dentist or hospital with family ailments, or to meet one’s neighbours through daily activities brings a breadth of experience to a posting that would otherwise be neglected. When these activities include locally engaged staff, families of other missions, other mission personnel, or host country nationals, a posting is much richer. Many of these relationships are forged by the wives, on their own or through family activities.
Resilient, Tough and Unique
Like the wives of policemen, clergy and federal politicians, foreign service wives find themselves alternatively flattered or reviled, surrounded by friends or miserably alone, important or insignificant and expected to pack up and follow with dismal regularity. The careers of their husbands demand much time and energy, require frequent travel away from home and keep them at the beck and call of other people. As a result, the ones who survive have developed a strong sense of self, a tough independence and have learned to meet challenges head on and win. It also means that a sense of community and mutual support is important as no one else can be expected to understand their experiences.
The personal goals of many wives are incompatible with foreign service life. However, for those who can make the necessary accommodation, it is a unique life and their role in it is open for a creative approach. The role of a foreign service wife is what she makes it; there is no established role model any longer, not even for senior diplomatic wives. It would not be acceptable for the department to define one. Each wife must decide her own role and how to fill it. Scary. Exciting. Unique.
Win, Lose or Draw
Have I reached any conclusions after twenty-five years in the foreign service? Would I rather have done something else?
Two things are key to determining positive or negative outcomes: goals and choices. A foreign service wife has certain choices already made for her; her life is going to include repeated postings, and she will have very little control over where and when they will be.
No life offers any guarantees, so I feel that to blame the foreign service for unfulfilled expectations or unattained goals is to refuse to take responsibility for oneself. I had not realized this fully until recently. Consequently, my only regret is that I failed to take advantage of some of the opportunities, choosing to consider them problems instead.
After years of associating primarily with foreign service people from one country or another, I now spend my time with people, many of them retired, who have spent most of their adult lives in the same place. Their lives have contained as many disappointments as mine and they never left home. I am not a Board of Education Trustee, nor a Supervisor of Schools, nor even a high school principal which is what I set out to be. But, I have climbed a cliff in the Khyber Pass and chewed the dust of a camel caravan with the shade of Alexander the Great; I have shaken hands with Presidents and street sellers, and felt sweat on the hands of both; I have received an education not available to most people and shared the learning with my family; I have built a storehouse of memories to entertain my old age. I would not have had it any other way.
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 10, No. 4 (1993) — Fall/Winter 1993 // Automne/Hiver 1993, pp. 8–9. Read the rest of this issue →
