bout de papier, Vol. 8, No. 3 (1991) — Summer 1991 // Été 1991, p. 42
The Administrative Deputy Minister recently spoke to a modest Departmental audience on the subject: “A Retrospective of the Corporate Review”. For those of you who were not able to attend this highly informative session, the following is an extract from his impromptu remarks:
“I would like to reflect upon the one genuinely popular innovation of last year’s Corporate Review — Operation MoonDip. In evaluating MoonDip’s first year of operation, I want everyone to cast their minds back to the circumstances of last year at this time. Frankly, do you remember how bad things were – the threat of delayering, the suggestion box, the cost-cutting, the cheeseparing? Distinguished ex-ambassadors were exiled to the academic gulag and told to “write home, if you get work”. Morale had sunk to that of imprisoned lemmings. In response, some inspired employees cast around for a way to increase their meagre stipends by beating the cost recovery dervishes at their own game.
Providing the Department with a reasonable return for heat and light, they decided simply to take over the ninth floor hospitality area on week-ends for their own moonlighting purposes. Thus, Operation MoonDip was born, using the already extensively pre-tested experience on posting of our staff to provide during their off-hours a complete hospitality service for weddings, receptions and theme parties. When several local embassies began to use these services so their diplomats could chat-up our staff as they ran around serving drinks, the Department realized that we had • a full-scale success on our hands. We decided, therefore, to turn Operation MoonDip into a regular Departmental program, administered by its own division (MDIP). The staff of MDIP tell me that we have had particular success with our “Thousand and One Nights” theme party. Not only did we actually locate some authentic Arabic-speakers, but it was a brilliant idea to have all staff working that night each bring their favourite oriental carpet. I was told that New Edinburgh was positively denuded of rugs for the evening! A few foreign service spouses did go wild with the harem girl outfits, but they reported the tips as being enormous. Besides it gave everyone an opportunity to flourish all that bazaar stuff they’d been squirrelling away for years.
Unfortunately, during the invasion of Kuwait, we decided to mothball some of the larger props used for this event until more serene times. I’m glad to report, however, that we are also doing very well with the “Peter Pan” theme-party concept. Although a Senior Ambassador turned down a cameo role as the crocodile, he reportedly would still consider an appearance as Captain Hook. There has also been increased demand for the “Mexican fiesta” theme which may have something to do with the briefs that people are churning out during their day-time jobs on a possible Mexico free trade agreement.
I would also like to make honourable mention of our eight-piece PAFSO band — “The Permanent Underclass”. They are certainly giving the RCMP Band a run for their money. I do not wish to be critical, but I should note that it has been brought to my attention that the band could choose a better sign-off song than “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)”
On the fashion side, it has been frequently observed by many of our clients that our personnel are certainly well-equipped with evening clothes. Better still, since we chose to supplement our ranks with some of our retired members who are attempting to augment their pensions, those waiters who are able to dress in white ties, tails and medals have given an even greater sense of class to a MoonDip event, and our fees have escalated accordingly. We have a style for every pocketbook!
So enthusiastic are many MoonDip employees about our little answer to downsizing, that I think you can understand the need to institute our new departmental rule which insists on continued service at your day-time jobs. I know that many of you have expressed considerable interest in shifting to part-time work only, in order to pursue a more stimulating and remunerative life with MoonDip, but we decided that someone has to get on with writing telexes, memos, briefing books, photocopying and answering the phones.
Those of you who have left our ranks by means of the brass hand-shake are more than welcome into the MoonDip family. However, MoonDip positions no longer will be available for those members who wore their “Quest for Fire” theme party get-ups to the reverse boards charged with the herculean task of choosing the most incompetent among us to qualify for the hand-shake.
I must also note MoonDip’s latest innovation, the all-Volvo livery service which has increased our wedding business enormously. Not only do we cater the reception but we can now throw in the limo service as well. Be certain that all cars are equipped with bumper stickers sporting one of our three official slogans: “MoonDip: The Friendly Face of Downsizing”, ’, or “MoonDip: Pin-Strip Revenge”, or “MoonDip: Up Yours Treasury Board” (this last one is recommended appropriate for second marriages, only).
Finally, in closing my year-end report, I want to compliment all of you for learning to promote our undervalued calling so imaginatively and with a little capitalistic flare. Operation MoonDip is a testament to the untapped human resources which we will all have to employ if the Department is going to make it to the year 2000. Thank you.
View the original scanned pages →
Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 8, No. 3 (1991) — Summer 1991 // Été 1991, p. 42. Read the rest of this issue →
