bout de papier, Vol. 7, No. 1 (1989), p. 18
In an age when the concept of “privatization” was being applied to a growing number of public sector services, it was
hardly a surprise when the following advertisement appeared in the June 1992 international editions of major European and North American publications.
IPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL is pleased to announce that its tull range of diplomatic services is now available to all governments, regardless of ideology. Whether you are the Prime Minister of a middle-range Western power seeking to raise your international protile while downsizing your foreign ministry, the Protocol Chief of a developing mini-state searching for creative but cost-efficient ways to impress your next state visitor, or the leader of a revolutionary movement needing a progressive new foreign policy before your forces liberate the national television station, DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL has an attractively-priced package of services tailor-made for your situation. Staffed by a seasoned team of multinational experts and free-lance diplomats available on flexible terms to any serious client, big or small, government or individual, DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL caters to your every foreign policy need:
“CAREER ADVANCEMENT: Are you stymied in your diplomatic career after being passed over for promotion to Director General of Inter-Hemispheric Affairs? At loose ends after being dumped as Foreign Minister following the exclusion of your party from the government coalition? An Ambassador without a country following the latest coup in your capital? Or are you just tired of representing the same old policy year after year? Whatever your background as a diplomat, why not try DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL for an exciting new career? After our Flexibility Training Seminar, you will be ready to deploy your talents in a wide variety of situations (sometimes even testing wits with DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL colleagues representing the other side in bilateral negotiations!). Whether as a rented stand-in at a high-level reception or as the reviewer of national anthem lyrics 18 bout de papier Vol. for a new junta, you’ll find rewards and upward mobility that only the private sector can offer!
“FOREIGN POLICY REVIEWS: Does your government have those mid-term blahs? Or pre-election jitters? Tired of sniping from unappreciative columnists? Why not try a high-profile but low-cost DIPLOCOR INTER- NATIONAL FOREIGN POLICY REVIEW? Undertaken by a panel of photogenic experts and featuring our ever-popular formula of public hearings in picturesque small towns, our Reviews will culminate with BEIGE, GREEN, or BLUE PAPERS announcing cosmetically uplifting, but safely ambiguous, NEW DIRECTIONS in your foreign policy!
“STATE VISIT SUPPORT SER- VICES: Does your Foreign Ministry lack sufficient depth to impress your next state visitor? Why not rent our DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL SENIOR OFFICIAL SUBSTITUTES fluent in the language of your country and ready to pose as members of specialized geographical and functional bureaus of your Foreign Ministry? And wow them on the tarmac with our SPECIAL RED CARPET SER- VICES, which will prepare texts of welcome and farewell speeches as well as design suitably gaudy NATIONAL HONOURS for your state visitors – with lesser medals for their staff members at no extra cost! Whatever the visit theme, North-South or East-West, DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL support services will snare you those return-visit invitations!
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“REVOLUTIONARY SUPPORT: DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL otters a wide range of PRE-GOVERNMENT SERVICES to revolutionary movements. Whether you’re in search of a memorable first manifesto, conduits for overseas fund-raising, or turn-key embassy projects enabling a quick start in diplomatic relations with new allies and benefactors following your seizure of power, DIPLOCOR INTERNA- TIONAL offers you international solidarity at competitive prices!
“EXILE PLANNING: Hearing rumblings of discontent among your colonels? Concerned about your regime’s survival prospects? Then make a pre-coup investment you’ll never regret! Inquire now about one of DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL’s GOLDEN EXILE PACKAGES! Our exile planning specialists will discreetly visit you in the privacy of your own palace to plan your DIGNIFIED TRANSITION to the role of NON-RESIDENT ELDER STATESMAN! Whether it’s villa perimeter-security, off-shore bullion transfer, or shoe-collection dispersal, we will provide services worthy of your high standards in this sensitive area. And as a special “extra” to holders of our prestigious “EL PRESIDENTE” CARDS (terms on request), we will arrange through DIPLOCOR INTER- NATIONAL’s Academic Support Centre for the commissioning of SYMPATHETIC BIOGRAPHIES guaranteed to impress foreign audiences! There’s no need to slide into oblivion when DIPLOCOR INTERNATIO- NAL can secure you A PLACE IN THE HISTORY BOOKS!
“At DIPLOCOR INTERNA- TIONAL our motto is our bond: If you have convertible currency for us, we have a diplomatic service for you!
“DIPLOCOR INTERNATIONAL, an idea whose time has come!”
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Originally published in bout de papier, Vol. 7, No. 1 (1989), p. 18. Read the rest of this issue →
